The First of Many

Today I woke feeling a little less enthusiastic than the day before. The reality of being away from my family had hit a bit, and so did the snoring of my roommate. Although to be fair she wasn't as loud as Trent is.

I made my way to the cafe after breakfast and got myself a coffee, which wasn't too terrible and made me not want to stab something. I did try the machine coffee in the kitchen but it was a Nescafe machine and the coffee tasted like a mixture of dirt and ash. Although to be fair I did kind of expect that it would, so at least I wasn't let down. The little cafe is pretty cute. There is indoor and outdoor seating, and some food options. The coffee was decent and it made me feel less like I was in hospital and unable to leave the grounds for 72 hours. When Trent came to visit a little later we walked down to grab a coffee and share a brownie together (nawwww).

Therapy wise I met with my psychiatrist again and talked a little about how I'm doing and what I'm going to be doing. He has got me in to a 2 week CBT course starting tomorrow morning. I do about 2 hours a day there learning about Cognitive Behavioural​ Therapy and how to use it in my every day life. The course actually started on Monday so to save me waiting another week they have managed to get me in if I do a bit of catchup reading tonight. Thankfully I don't have Foxtel here otherwise I'd be all "sorry but I really have to watch the latest episode of The Walking Dead. BYEEEEEE".

I went to the gym today and did a workout with the exercise physiologist which was great. He did a bit of an assessment first and I talked about my nerve root issues and my joint pain. He got me doing some treadmill, exercise bike, rower, and some hand weights. I'm not gonna lie. It felt good man. The sweat was dripping off me like crazy so I can back to my room for a shower and to spend some more time with Trent before he went home.

It was after he left that I felt like I was going to crumble. I didn't sleep too well and then I exhausted myself at the gym. I miss my boys. I am yearning for a cuddle with my baby. So while the facilities are amazing, I still have this brain of mine for company. And the depression and anxiety follows me everywhere I go. Even to the dinner buffet.

I am hoping that I am able to work on what I need to do to make life more positive and fulfilling. Depression has taken so much from me and let it hang on like a toxic friend. The kind of toxic friend I really need to get rid of.